remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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