Ambien. No doubt about it.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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