we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
