I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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