I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
