Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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