Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Randomize
