you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Randomize
