So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
