This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize