Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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