what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
