he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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