We're like a lot better than the average bears
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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