Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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