What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Come on in and take your pants off
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