I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
