so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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