careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
