Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize