sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
