and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
