I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
