margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
