Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
