Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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