I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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