Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
