So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
