He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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