oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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