seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
