My girlfriend figured out who you are.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
