I skipped work to stalk him.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
