I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Randomize
