I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
