The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
