He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
It's blow job season.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Randomize
