Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
