i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
