so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize