2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
