I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
