I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
