Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
