So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Did I show you my penis last night?
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
