No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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