we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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