I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
