God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
