I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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