I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
