When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
