i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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