no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
