Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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