Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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