the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
