we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
