Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize