I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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