help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
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