her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
