My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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