omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
