I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
