My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
