I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
