I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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