I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
