I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
