sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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