I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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