you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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