Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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