when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize