someone threw a dead crab at me
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
tell your sister to shave her snatch
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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