The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
