well I can't set my house on fire every night
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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