The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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