I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
