Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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