Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I got her a Nickelback box set.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
