after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize