thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Randomize
