I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
