Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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