Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
