We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
