I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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