Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
