the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
