Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize