In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Randomize
