Only a mothe r could love this liver
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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