Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
