Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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