i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
