Cold hands, warm shart.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
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