I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
