Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
