I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
