I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize