I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
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