recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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