I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
my god I love twenty year old dicks
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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