uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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