remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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