Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
