Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
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