how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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