goodnight i made you a song goodbye
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
