He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
