I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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