I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
