i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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