he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Randomize
