there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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